


for once, there is nothing up my sleeve

by fantasy_spoilers8



Series: sight of the sun [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Closeted Character, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Miscommunication, Non-binary Marquis de Lafayette, Songfic, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 19:51:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16729656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasy_spoilers8/pseuds/fantasy_spoilers8
Summary: It starts out the same as every day: Alex is arguing with Jefferson in class, John is doodling in the back and barely paying attention.But then Jefferson takes his insults one step too far, and John doesn’t even have time to blink before Alex runs out of the room.-Or, the one where John and Alex get together.





	for once, there is nothing up my sleeve

**Author's Note:**

> This can be read as a stand-alone but I'm going to be adding many more installments to this series chronicling John and Alex's relationship.
> 
> This takes place in October of Alex and John’s junior year of college.
> 
> Enjoy!

John knew better than to listen too closely when Alexander started arguing with Jefferson in class.

It was a crisp day in early October, and John was torn between counting down the days until Halloween and dreading the inevitable phone calls he’d get on his birthday. Currently, he was lounging in his seat in the back of the lecture hall, his notebook in front of him filled with doodles he made while the professor was droning on and on about the federal economic systems throughout history. John hated this class. To be fair, he hated almost all of his classes.

John had fought as hard as he could to get permission to pursue a career in art, but he knew there was no arguing once his father’s fist made a dent in the frame of his bedroom door.

John’s father had made it clear that if John wanted to continue to receive monetary support from him, he needed to pursue a degree in law. Well, he didn’t _say_ it, of course. Henry would never say things like that outright. But he knew it and John knew it, so John let it go.

There was only one thing John’s father hated more than people who wasted their time and money.

John looked down at his notebook to see that his doodles had taken the shape of Alex’s face: his clever eyes, his full lips-

He turned to the next clean page so hard the paper ripped.

 

* * *

  

Alexander knew better than to let Jefferson get inside his head.

Usually, Alex was itching to fight his rival. Every day before class, John would try to convince him it wasn’t worth it.

“Come on, Alex,” John had said that morning, grabbing their coffees from the barista’s counter. “Give everyone a break today. You know he’s not going to listen to a word you say regardless.”

Alex had grabbed his coffee and took a long sip before answering. “I know John,” he sighed. “But I go in there and I see that stupid fucking smirk on his face, and I just-" 

“You just can’t help yourself,” John had finished with a knowing smirk.

And now here Alex was, nerves shot to hell, but still completely, utterly unable to stop talking.

“Jefferson, you might be slow, but even you can use the two brain cells rattling around in your skull to see that a national bank was the best option.” he said. “First of all-”

Jefferson sighed loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Alexander continued undeterred. “-politicians wanted the common people to be invested in the workings of the government. If no one had any money in the government, they wouldn’t give a shit whether or not it was functioning enough to collect their taxes and enforce their laws.”

“Hamilton,” drawled Jefferson, “the idea of a national bank at that time was completely ridiculous. Not only did the Constitution not call for one, it was a glaringly obvious violation of the rights of common people-”

“That’s bullshit!” When did Alex get up on a desk? He wasn’t sure. But hey, at least he was the same height as Jefferson now.

Jefferson, in an especially loud pink suit today, turned to their professor and started talking over Alexander. “Sir, could you please ask Hamilton to stop standing on a desk like a five-year old child?”

Their professor, Van Ness, had long since learned that interfering in Jefferson and Hamilton’s arguments was more trouble than it was worth. He shot Jefferson a glare and continued to type on his laptop.

“Third off, everyone was hoarding their money because there was nowhere to put it! This is economics 101, Jefferson. If you want the economy to keep running, you need to put money into it!”

Jefferson dragged a hand down his face in exhaustion.

Alex continued his rant, uninterrupted. “And fourth off, why would you want certain people to hold all the money while the rest suffered? Oh, wait! That’s right. You wouldn’t know equity if it smacked you in the face, Mr. My-family-owns-seventeen-mansions-and-a-horse.”

Jefferson’s lip curled in distaste. “Of course you’d resort to making this personal. Why do you need to be such an asshole about it? We all know you’re a bastard, but you don’t need to act like one too.”

Alex froze, his mouth still working but no sound coming out.

“What?” sneered Jefferson. But even Jefferson looked caught off guard. Alexander didn’t stop talking for any reason, certainly not when they were just insulting each other as they usually did.

_You’ll never get anywhere in life. You understand that, don’t you? You’re just the bastard child of a whore. So stop trying._

 

* * *

 

John was barely paying attention to their debate, waiting for the retort he knew would come. But it never did. John looked up in alarm at the sudden, tense silence, pen frozen in its track on the page.

Faster than John could blink, Alexander ran out of the room.

His limbs moving jerkily and not quite cooperating, John shoved his books back into his bag. He quickly muttered an excuse to Lee and ran out of the room to catch up with Alexander.

John slammed the doors open and ran out of the building, the cold slamming into him and chilling him down to his bones. He shivered, realizing he had left his jacket in the classroom.

“Alex?” he called.

John ran out into the courtyard and skidded to a stop when he found Alex, a curtain of black hair and flannel, leaning up against the wall of the building, his face in his hands.

“Alex?” he said, much more softly.

Alex peeked out over the tips of his fingers. “Hi, John.”

John put his bag down on the floor and took up a spot next to him. “Are you alright?

Alex took his hands away from his face and looked down, as if ashamed.

“I can’t believe I let him get to me like that.” Alex sighed.

“It was that word, wasn’t it.” said John. It wasn’t a question.

Alex shot him a rueful smile. He rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“You got me.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

Alex ran his hands through his hair. “It was...it was just that…”

He took a deep breath. “It was like everything I needed to say just stopped in my throat. It was just all trapped there like some sick fucking traffic jam and my brain was still going but I couldn’t get it out and that stupid voice in my head just kept reminding me of all the assholes back on that island-”

John was watching Alex’s wildly gesticulating hands and saw that they were shaking. “Alex-”

“And I knew I was having an off day, but it’s not like I could just _stop,_ it’s not like I could let Jefferson spew his idiotic nonsense all day without _doing_ something about it, and I always have the words, I always have what I need to say hidden right up my sleeve like a secret weapon, but it just wasn’t _working_ today, because I’m just so _tired_ , and-”

John took one of Alex’s hands, but Alex impatiently took it back. John turned to look him fully in the eye. “Alex, you know it’s ok to need a break every once in a while.”

“I know, I know, but I can’t, there isn’t enough _time_ -”

John grabbed his shoulders. “Alex,” he said, desperately trying to avert his gaze from Alex’s lips, “you of all people have more than enough time to take a break. And I don’t just mean relaxing every once in a while, even though you should definitely do that. I mean if there’s a day where you don’t feel like going at it with Jefferson, or you need to leave for a second, or you just need to do something else to take care of yourself, that’s fine. You know I’m here for you, and so are Laf and Herc. No matter what.”

Alex looked at him with skepticism, but also with complete adoration in his eyes. It was too much for John to handle.

He hastily dropped his hands from their place on Alex’s shoulders. “I know you don’t have any other classes today. How about we go back to my dorm and binge-watch some Doctor Who? Van Ness won’t care.”

After being friends with Alex for so long, John was very rarely surprised by him. But nothing could have prepared him for this.

Alex grabbed John’s face in his hands and pulled his lips down to his own.

John’s eyes burst wide open, and he was much too shocked to do anything, to move away, and certainly too shocked to kiss back.

Alex pulled away and his expression broke John’s heart. He looked utterly crestfallen, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. John was too dumbfounded to say anything.

“I-” Alex stepped back, his voice hoarse and shaky. “I’m sorry, I’ll- I’ll just go.”

Alex ran off, leaving John standing alone in the courtyard with kiss-swollen lips, feeling like he’d been hit over the head.

Blinking a few times, John finally came back to his senses. “Wait!” he called after Alex, tripping over his bag in his haste. John threw his bag over his shoulder and ran after him.

 

* * *

  

“Alex!”

Alex angrily wiped the tears from his eyes and kept walking, ignoring John’s shouts. How could he have been so stupid? _Of course John didn’t kiss back,_ Alex thought, _how could you think that he would like you back?  John's gay, he likes boys- _nope, nope, not going down that train of thought. God, John probably wanted nothing to do with him anymore. John was just calling after him to tell him that, to tell him he hated him, to tell him they couldn’t be friends anymore-

“ _Alex!”_

And of course John wanted to leave him, everyone always left, Alex had had one good friendship for once in his life and he’d fucked it up, just like he fucked everything up- 

Alex felt someone grab his arm. He spun wildly and saw John, chest heaving, standing behind him. 

“John,” he said, his voice catching in his throat, “you don’t have to say it, I understand, I’ll stay out of your way from now on-”

“Alex, stop!” John shouted.

Alex whined, a low, pitiful sound. “Ok, I’ll stop, I won’t ever talk about it again-”

“Alex!” John took Alex’s face in his hands, just like Alex had done moments ago, and tilted his face up for a kiss. 

All Alex could think was, _This kiss is so much better_.

Alex carded his fingers through John’s soft curls. He had always fantasized that John’s hair must be full of knots, but no, it was as soft as cotton, and it spilled through Alex’s fingers like silk...

John’s lips moved slowly over his own, soft and full and _delicious_ -

After much too short of a time, John pulled away. And Alex remembered.

“Wait, shit, John-”

John smiled softly. “I like you too, dumbass.”

_Wait, what?_

“Wait, what?” asked Alex, dumbfounded.

“Of course I do,” said John, “I’ve liked you basically since I met you. I just didn’t think you felt the same.”

“...Really?” 

“Yeah,” said John. "I didn't know you were gay."

Alex felt bile rise up in the back of his throat. He opened his mouth to correct him, but then that terrible voice in his head said, _Yo_ _u're lucky enough that he likes you. Don't screw it up. Nobody needs to know._  

Instead of telling John the truth, Alex let out a weak chuckle. “Man, we’re both pretty stupid, huh?”

“Herc tells us often enough.”

John entwined their hands and pulled Alex down the block. “Come on. Speaking of Herc, he’s making fried rice tonight, and he’ll kill us both if we miss it.”

 

* * *

 

Later, at Lafayette’s apartment, they couldn’t stop smiling at each other. They had decided before going in to keep it a secret from their friends for the time being, at least until they sat down and had a proper conversation about whether they wanted to go public.

Lafayette, ever the perceptive one, kept narrowing their eyes at the two boys throughout dinner and the whole time they were watching television.

When Alex got up to refill his drink, John followed him into the kitchen.

“John?” said Alex from the sink. “Is everything alright?”

John hummed and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.

“Stop it,” Alex giggled, smacking him on the arm, “we’re gonna get caught.”

John kissed his cheek and grinned. “Well then, I guess we’ll have to be quiet.”

When they stepped back into the living room, Alex’s hair was completely mussed and John’s face was much redder than it had been when they walked into the kitchen.

Lafayette dropped their bag of chips. " _I knew it!_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment telling me what you thought, and keep checking up on this series for more updates!


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